Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Like Me

There is nothing like a beautiful dress to lift my spirits up. I look beautiful. I feel confident. I can do anything. I can ask a girl out. She will say "yes!"  It is amazing how much a nice dress can do.  It's like magic.  A girl can never have enough beautiful dresses.  I should tell Niel to make more or buy more.  It is important. There is no other way to be beautiful, to feel good about myself.  I need to be adorned with beautiful things. My self-worth is at stake.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I feel as insecure as before. When I ask her out, she will see through my blue dress and see the unloved doll that I am. She will see that this dress was not made for me, but for some other doll. She will see how I'm trying too hard.  It's pathetic to think that a dress can have a great effect on self-worth. I'm pathetic.

Niel saw me sulking in one corner. We looked at each other and both let out a sigh. He immediately walked away, back to his room. I was back to contemplating. Alone. What if I jump from the top of a cabinet, will I break my neck?

My reverie was disrupted when Niel walked back in. No words were spoken. He handed me one of his toys. She looks like a hooker. Who wears such a trashy attire? Despite of what she wore, she looks tough. She looks like a fighter, an adventurer. I didn't notice Niel leave. I started to imagine all the adventures for her, how she'll fly in the sky defending the helpless.

You know what? She looks like me.


Andrea said...

Oh Lolita, you are not an unloved doll. If you were, Niel would have sent you on to another good home. He does care for you. That's why he gave you his toy, to remind you of your inner strengths.

Sure, a beautiful outfit can lift ones spirit a little, while a trashy one can divert from the wearer's personality. Some people use nice outfits like a mask, to hide their (imagined or not) personal flaws.

Concerning that date, don't dress up just to impress her, chose something, that you feel good in and be yourself. And the world does not fall apart, if she rejects you. Try to see it this way: if she says no, she'll miss out on getting to know a fantastic person - you.

Lolita said...

Thank you Andrea. Your words warms my heart.

I'm not sure about Niel trying to remind me my inner strength with a toy. I thought he was trying to convert me to like his action figures. Whether he wants to boost my self esteem or wants me to like action figures, it kinda worked. Hehehe.

I'm not forcing myself to date right now. It stresses me just to think about it. I'm just enjoying playing with this new toy.